you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
