pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
