a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
