i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
