Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
