It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
