once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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