if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
