Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
