im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
