do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
