textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
