her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
