All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
