Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
