Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
