I want to stick my p in your. b.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
