you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
how drunk are you?
Several
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
