i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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