Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
