Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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