Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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