He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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