Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
