I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
