do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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