How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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