She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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