Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
