I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
