look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
