my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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