Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
