TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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