just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
