I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
