So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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