around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
