i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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