my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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