Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
