Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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