wakey wakey hands off snakey
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
