New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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