I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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