And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
