She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
