i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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