his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
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Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.