At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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