remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor