the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket