Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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