Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
