Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
