i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You are a genius and a whore.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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