She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
