i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
