she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
