I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
