he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
