I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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