What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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