you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
