My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
