my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
