he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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