his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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