Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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