Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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