My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
