So drunk its hurt
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
