You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
