Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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