I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
