i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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