Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
