the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
