okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
