I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fuck appropriateness.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
