Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
