she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
