Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
