Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
