I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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