Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
