so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
